A mathematician and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The mathematician leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The mathematician persists and explains that the game is real easy and lots of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."
Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The mathematician, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"
This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The mathematician asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the mathematician Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the mathematician "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?"
The mathematician looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers all to no avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.
The mathematician then hits the engineer, saying, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The engineer calmly pulls out his wallet, hands the mathematician five bucks, and goes back to sleep.
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said: "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out: "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do anything you want". Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked: "What is the matter ? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me ?"
The man said, "Look I'm a software engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."
Engineer as a Designer of the Human Body
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, ``It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.''
Another said, ``No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems many thousands of electrical connections.''
The last said, ``Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''
Wife or Mistress
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
A Train Ticket
An accountant and engineering convention was being held. On the train to the convention, there were both accounting and engineering majors. Each of the engineering majors had his/her own train ticket. But the accountants had only ONE ticket for all of them. The engineers started laughing and snickering. The accountants ignored the laughter.
Then, one of the accountants said, "Here comes the conductor". All of the accountants piled into the bathroom. The engineers were puzzled. The conductor came aboard and collected tickets from all the engineers. He went to the bathroom, knocked on the door, and said "Ticket please". An accountant stuck their only ticket under the door. The conductor took the ticket and left. A few minutes later, the accountants emerged from the bathroom. The engineers felt really stupid.
On the way back from the convention, the group of engineering majors had ONE ticket for their group. They started snickering at the accountants, who had NO tickets amongst them. When the accountant lookout shouted "Conductor coming!", all the accountants again piled into a bathroom. All of the engineers went into another bathroom. Then, before the conductor came on board, one of the accountants left the bathroom, knocked on the other bathroom, and said "Ticket please".
Proud of a Father
The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.
The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled.
"It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together without even reading instructions."
"To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think."
Surgeons Know Best about Engineers
Five surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work.
The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The Third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and their butts are interchangeable." Fifth surgeon said, "I like Engineers...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."
God and the Devil discuss an Engineer
Although locked in fierce competition for what seems like forever, God and the Devil meet once every week for coffee just to catch up with each other. One week they're in heaven and the next they're in hell. When it was God's turn to host last week, the Devil was whistling a happy tune as he walked through the gates and wore a huge smile as he plopped down in the golden chair. As he poured a cup, God said, "You look pretty pleased with yourself." "Yeah," said the Devil, "Things are really looking up since I got that engineer last week. He's put in escalators and flush toilets, and he even found a way to control the heat in those old furnaces. I've been meaning to thank you for turning him away up here." God looked stunned, and almost spilled coffee into the saucer. "You know that you're not supposed to get any engineers," God said. "Peter was breaking in some new help at the gates last week, and they must have made a mistake. Just send him back up and we'll straighten it out." But the Devil just chuckled and said, "No. I think I'll keep him. He was talking about looking into better ventilation this week. I can see why you keep them all for yourself." "Send him back," demanded God "No," smirked the Devil. God thundered, "Send him back, or..." "Or what?" the Devil asked. "Or I'll sue," finished God. The Devil chuckled again. "Where are you going to get a lawyer?"
Four Engineers and a Broken Car
There are four engineers travelling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down. "Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer. "Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system." "I thought it might be an grounding problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead." They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: "Well, what do you think?" "Ummm - perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?"
0001 Have you ever used a
0002 ... for more than 4 hours continuously?
0003 ... more than
0004 ... more than
0005 ... more than
0006 Have you ever patched
0007 Have you ever missed a class while programming?
0008 ... Missed an examination?
0009 ... Missed a
0010 ... Missed your own wedding?
0011 Have you ever programmed while intoxicated?
0012 ... Did it make sense the next day?
0013 Have you ever written a flight
0014 Have you ever voided the warranty on your equipment?
0015 Ever change the value of
0016 ... Unintentionally?
0017 ... In a language other than Fortran?
0018 Do you use DWIM to make life interesting?
0019 Have you named a
0020 Do you complain when a "feature" you use gets fixed?
0021 Do you eat slime
0022 Do you know how many days old you are?
0023 Have you ever wanted to download
0024 Have you ever invented a
0025 ... Did someone not 'get' it?
0026 Can you recite Jabberwocky?
0027 ... Backwards?
0028 Have you seen "Donald Duck in Mathemagic Land"?
0029 Have you seen "Tron"?
0030 Have you seen "Wargames"?
0031 Do you know what ASCII stands for?
0032 ... EBCDIC?
0033 Can you read and write ASCII in hex or octal?
0034 Do you know the names of all the ASCII control codes?
0035 Can you read and write EBCDIC in
0036 Can you convert from EBCDIC to ASCII and vice versa?
0037 Do you know what characters are the same in both ASCII and EBCDIC?
0038 Do you know max int on your system?
0039 Ever define your own numerical type to get better precision?
0040 Can you name powers of two up to 2**16 in arbitrary order?
0041 ... up to 2**32?
0042 ... up to 2**64?
0043 Can you read a punched
dressologyshop.com/webboard/index.php?action=profile;u=8553>card, looking at the holes?
0044 ... feeling the holes?
0045 Have you ever patched binary code?
0046 ... While the program was running?
0047 Have you ever used program overlays?
0048 Have you met any IBM vice-president?
0049 Do you know Dennis, Bill, or Ken?
0050 Have you ever taken a picture of a CRT?
0051 Have you ever played a videotape on your CRT?
0052a Have you ever digitized a picture?
0053 Did you ever forget to mount a scratch monkey?
0054 Have you ever optimized an idle loop?
0055 Did you ever optimize a bubble sort?
0056 Does your
www.ultralightforum.com/index.php?action=profile;u=14592>computer talk to you?
0057 Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem?
0058 ... Did it answer?
0059 Can you whistle 300 baud?
0061 Can you whistle a telephone number?
0062 Have you witnessed a disk crash?
0063 Have you made a disk drive "walk"?
0064 Can you build a puffer train?
0065 ... Do you know what it is?
0066 Can you play music on your line printer?
0067 ... Your disk drive?
0068 ... Your tape drive?
0069 Do you have a Snoopy calendar?
0070 ... Is it out-of-date?
0071 Do you have a line printer picture of...
0072 ... the Mona Lisa?
0073 ... the Enterprise?
0074 ... Einstein?
0075 ... Oliver?
0076 Have you ever made a line printer picture?
0077 Do you know what the following stand for?
0078 ... DASD
0079 ... Emacs
0080 ... ITS
0082 ... SNA
0084 ... TCP/IP
Have you ever used
0085 ... TPU?
0086 ... TECO?
0087.1 ... Emacs?
0088 ... ed?
0092 ... EDT?
0093 ... Wordstar?
0094 Have you ever written a CLIST?
Have you ever programmed in
0095 ... the X windowing system?
0096 ... CICS?
0097 Have you ever received a Fax or a photocopy of a floppy?
0098 Have you ever shown a novice the "any" key?
0099 ... Was it the power switch?
Have you ever attended
0101 ... DECUS?
0102 ... SHARE?
0103 ... SIGGRAPH?
0104 ... NetCon?
0105 Have you ever participated in a standards
0106 Have you ever debugged machine code over the telephone?
0107 Have you ever seen voice mail?
0108 ... Can you read it?
0109 Do you solve word puzzles with an on-line dictionary?
0110 Have you ever taken a Turing
0111 ... Did you fail?
0112 Ever drop a card deck?
0113 ... Did you successfully put it back together?
0114 ... Without looking?
0115 Have you ever used
0116 Have you ever received a case of
beer with your computer?
0117 Does your computer come in 'designer' colors?
0118 Ever interrupted a
www.projectcheckmate.net/index.php?action=profile;u=2557>mask an NMI?
0120 Have you ever set off a Halon
0121 ... Intentionally?
0122 ... Do you still work there?
0123 Have you ever hit the emergency power switch?
0124 ... Intentionally?
0125 Do you have any defunct documentation?
0126 ... Do you still read it?
0127 Ever reverse-engineer or decompile a program?
0128 ... Did you find bugs in it?
0129 Ever help the person behind the counter with their
0130 Ever tried rack mounting your telephone?
0131 Ever thrown a
computer from more than
draconia.vdl.pl/forum/index.php?action=profile;u=625>3 stories high?
0132 Ever patched a bug the vendor does not acknowledge?
0133 Ever fix a
forum.twoawesomegamers.com/index.php?action=profile;u=496>hardware problem in software?
0134 ... Vice versa?
0135 Ever belong to a pc support
0136 Ever been mentioned in Computer Recreations?
0137 Ever had your activities mentioned in the newspaper?
0138 ... Did you get away with it?
0139 Ever engage a drum brake while the drum was spinning?
0140 Ever write comments in a non-native language?
0141 Ever physically destroy equipment from software?
0142 Ever tried to improve your score on the Hacker
0143 Do you take listings with you to lunch?
0144 ... To
0145 Ever patch
0146 ... around a microcode bug?
0147 Can you program a Turing
0148 Can you convert
postfix to prefix in your head?
0149 Can you convert
hex to octal in your without a
0150a Do you know how to use a Kleene
0151 Have you ever starved while dining with
0152 Have you solved the halting
0153 ... Correctly?
0154 Ever deadlock trying eating
0155 Ever written a self-reproducing
0156 Ever swapped out the swapper?
0157 Can you read
0158 ... Do you need one?
0159 Ever create an unkillable
0160 ... Intentionally?
0161 Ever been asked for a cookie?
0162 Ever speed up a
cool system by removing a jumper?